I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
