And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
