Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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