I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
