my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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