see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
