I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
