If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
