Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
