I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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