At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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