I wish i was in the wii world.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
