She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
