i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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