Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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