dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
