Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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