he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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