She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
