I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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