the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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