I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
