i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
