Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
