She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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