sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
