In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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