Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize