I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
