yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
