Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You left your underwear on the fireplace
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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