no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize