I'm going to rape someone's good day.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
