I can tuck mytits in my pants
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
