I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
