Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
