the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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