NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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