8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
