??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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