Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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