in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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