Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
