forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
