Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
