try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
