Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
