He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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