people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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