Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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