We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
