Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
