Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
