I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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