The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
