he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
