went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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