Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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