god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
