I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
