i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
