I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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