I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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