I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
