im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
