After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
