I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
