Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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